| We'd just made it to the top of Mount Shasta (well | | | | while the $30 shorts |
| actually only | | | | cost a whopping $210 dollars a year. So you tell |
| as far as the road goes) when the subject of | | | | me...who'd be |
| old-school bike | | | | foolish enough to buy anything other than the $275 |
| shorts came up. In those days I was still pounding the | | | | Assos bike |
| roads | | | | shorts?Specialized FeaturesBiking shorts are cut |
| training for marathons, oblivious to the cyclist's | | | | differently than the pants your plumber |
| tribulations. | | | | favors. The waist is higher in the back and lower in |
| My Mount Shasta riding partner was the real hero | | | | the front. |
| from | | | | Since the cyclist spends a lot of time bent over, as |
| yesteryear.He's the guy who'd lived through the days | | | | does the |
| of wool bike shorts.You know...those old wool bike | | | | plumber, biking shorts preclude a wind vortex from |
| shorts that were washed in cold | | | | assaulting |
| water... if you ever wanted to squeeze into them | | | | the butt crack, even in the fiercest headwind.A |
| again. Even | | | | plumber's customers should be so lucky.Waist strings |
| with the utmost of care they crept further and further | | | | should be wider than the G string on your guitar |
| up, | | | | so they don't cut into your gut. Most bike shorts have |
| gradually squeezing all the life out of your legs.It's | | | | an |
| rumored that the entire Speedo company was | | | | elastic waistband instead of a string. Some, like my |
| founded by a | | | | Hind |
| cyclist who washed his wool bike shorts in hot | | | | shorts, couldn't decide so they provided an elasticized |
| water.So what modern improvements do we enjoy in | | | | waist |
| the world of bike | | | | string. I guess you can have it both ways.Leg grippers |
| shorts?An Upgrade In MaterialsThe most obvious | | | | are sticky bands on the inside of the short's legs. |
| upgrade is also the aspect of modern bike | | | | They serve to thwart your short's efforts to ride up |
| shorts that makes the newbie most nervous. | | | | your leg, |
| Namely...Spandex. | | | | applying more pressure to the groin.Funky Bib |
| Lot's of bulges and unseemly adipose rolls. | | | | ShortsBib shorts (bike shorts with built-in suspenders) |
| Spandex is like those lyrics, "Nowhere To Run and | | | | keep a |
| There's No | | | | constant upward pull so that the crotch liner is snug |
| Place To Hide".The Spandex used in bike shorts | | | | against |
| comes in two thicknesses. You | | | | the nether regions. This is important because bunching |
| have eight ounce and you have six ounce. There's | | | | or |
| not much of a | | | | rubbing of crotch material is a nuisance after a few |
| difference between the two. Eight ounce Spandex | | | | hours of |
| costs a bit more | | | | riding.A down side to the bib short is that they make it |
| and is said to squeeze the cyclist's massive thighs | | | | more difficult |
| tighter.Six Panel vs. Eight PanelIn the bad old days bike | | | | to urinate while riding. Well not while actually riding, but |
| shorts were made of inflexible | | | | more accurately when taking a break during a ride. |
| materials, namely the above mentioned wool fabric. If | | | | Bib shorts |
| you | | | | and non-bib shorts perform equally well with regard to |
| haven't noticed, the part of the human anatomy in and | | | | urinating |
| around the | | | | while riding.The Chamois InsertA good argument could |
| unseemly parts is fraught with curves. This isn't | | | | be made that the ultimate function of the |
| inflexible-fabric-friendly.After inventing the wheel and | | | | bike short is to keep the all-important crotch liner |
| harnessing fire, mankind's | | | | successfully aligned between the saddle and the |
| greatest minds tackled this problem. Their | | | | rider.In the past, the liner was usually made of sheep |
| solution...multi-paneled bike shorts.More panels made | | | | skin. It's main |
| for more form fitting conformation. If it | | | | feature was to protect the rider from all of those |
| weren't for the irritation of the seams, we may have | | | | seams holding |
| seen shorts | | | | together the many wool panels. Things have |
| that looked like Grandma's most intricate quilt.Anyway, | | | | changed.Today, seams aren't as big of a problem and |
| eight panels was better than six. But now that modern | | | | man-made materials |
| materials can stretch to the moon and back, this issue | | | | have surpassed the lowly sheepskin.Each bike shorts |
| isn't as | | | | manufacturer has developed a liner that |
| critical for comfort or function. However it's still very | | | | surpasses all others. It's up to you to decide which is |
| important for prestige.One piece of Spandex could | | | | most |
| quite likely cover the middle | | | | comfortable for you personally. You can usually make |
| sections of two cyclists standing very close together, | | | | your |
| virtually | | | | decision soon after you've ridden in them long enough |
| eliminating the need for a multitude of panels. | | | | to keep |
| However, veteran | | | | you from returning them for an exchange or |
| cyclists insist on eight panel bike shorts.Going For | | | | refund.Beware of non-breathable inserts like gel pads. |
| BrokeSome bike shorts cost $30 and some cost | | | | Unnamed experts |
| $275. But what if the | | | | claim that if the crotch can't breath, moisture will |
| $275 bike shorts are actually cheaper than the cheap | | | | build up, resulting in an irritation like a diaper rash.While I |
| ones? Huh?Here's how you sell your spouse on some | | | | may argue that the crotch doesn't actually inhale and |
| $275 Assos bib shorts. | | | | exhale, they have a valid point.Be BraveSo get |
| Just remember that the Assos bib shorts last for 18 | | | | courageous, suck up your gut, arrange yourself |
| 'biking' | | | | carefully, |
| years (a chronological year times seven) while the | | | | and pull on your modern, padded, itch-proof bike |
| $30 dollar | | | | shorts.Ron Fritzke is a runner converted to cycling. His |
| shorts last for one 'mouse' year (a chronological year | | | | unique view of |
| divided | | | | cycling apparel and accessories adds spicy humor to |
| by seven).The Assos bib costs a little over $2 a year | | | | his reviews. |